It's been a few weeks now since everything and I was eating again and things had really calmed down and since our weekend together we spent a lot more time together than before. We had dinner together, ate lunch at work together, we went out some and would sleep in together on weekends.
We had sex too but not as often as I would like and I'm sure he agrees but he's really taking things seriously with me, he won't get rough with me at all yet until I can really convince him that I'm alright.
I just don't know what else I can really do to do that.
I try talking about it but it doesn't seem like he wants to talk about it and he still looks at me like he's waiting for me to self-destruct right in front of him but I'm not, I was stressed out and stubborn but I'm trying to change and it's kind of frustrating because it's like he's not letting me.
It's like no matter what I do he's never going to be convinced I'm okay, it's been a month since I passed out, a freaking while and he's acting like it just happened the other day. I've put weight back on and look healthier and feel healthier again.
I don't feel weak like I was before.
I know he was concerned but it was getting insane.
"Chase we need to talk." I said one night after we got home from work; I've been obsessing all day about how to bring this up to where he would listen.
"Is everything okay?" he asked me as we got out of our work clothes and into something more comfortable so I could make dinner. He adverted his eyes from me as I changed and I would like to think it was so he wouldn't be tempted, but after a while it kind of just made me feel unattractive to him.
"I don't know, is it?" I asked him and he furrowed his eye brows in confusion.
"Yes." He said and I sighed
"I'm fine now Chase, I'm not glass, I'm not going to break. I mean, are you even still attracted to me?" I asked him feeling somewhat self-conscious and hating that I had to have this conversation with my fiancé.
His eyes softened and he reached out for me but I turned away.
"Of course I am, you have no idea the thoughts and fantasies I have about you Brylee, none. Please don't ever question my attraction or love for you. I just need you to be okay." He put his hands on my arms and this time I didn't turn away.
"I'm trying to tell you that I am okay though and you just won't listen." I said and he sighed
"I just wanted to make sure." He told me and I took his hands and put them on my stomach.
"I've gained the weight I lost back now, I'm eating, I'm not sick or dizzy or tired or weak. I'm stronger again and I'm fine, I'm happy now I just wish that you could see that. I just want things to be better with us. I know it's been better but I feel like we're just not all the way there yet." I told him and he wrapped his arms around me and sighed
"I know baby girl, I'm trying I just, I have to keep a tight lid on my control. I can't just let lose a little bit, it's all or nothing and I don't want to hurt you." I felt a tingle go up my spine at his words and I felt Goosebumps coat my skin because I knew what he meant exactly. It excited me.
"I don't want you to hold back." I whispered and his eyes were darker, clouding with lust as his pupils expanded.
"One day baby, just not today. I want to do so many things to you but and I'm trying to figure out how to ease into it all." he told me and I bit my lip as I ran my hand up his chest.
"Don't ease, just do it. I trust you." I told him and I felt the effect this conversation had on his lower regions and that also sent a tickle of excitement though my whole body.
I know this was a pretty serious conversation for sex; some people wouldn't see it as a big deal that he didn't want to tie me up and spank me and get rough with me. Some people don't understand it at all. Some people would just say we were being stupid and it was just sex and to get it over with and just do it but it was more complicated than that.
Physically, I had to be healthy to take the abuse it put my body thought. I had to take how rough he got, the positions he would tie me up in, the way the cuffs or rope dug into my skin, the amount of force he spanked me with.
Mentally I would have to be able to take it as well and understand that when he called me all those names that it was for sexual pleasure on both our parts. I wanted him to punish me for what I did, for worrying him, for pulling away. I wanted it and I was in a place where I could accept and take it physically and mentally.
And he had to know without a shadow of a doubt that he could keep the kind of control not to hurt me and that I was okay so he could enjoy it and now worry the whole time.
We haven't really done it in so long and it took a little bit to get back into for us since we weren't experts on it to begin with.
But it also was a sign of our relationship, of taking that last step together into full control on his part and submission on mine sexually for those few hours, it was like getting that last piece of us put back together for us.
It meant a lot of things for our relationship and I needed to show him that I was ready for it somehow.
"I don't know if you remember what you're asking." He said his breath shallower than it was before.
"I know exactly what I'm asking." I informed him and he took a step back, like being physically close to him clouded his mind, I knew for damn sure it worked the other way around.
"You're wondering into dangerous territory." He said to me, like he was trying to keep his distance in case I changed my mind.
"Funny, it feels more like I've finally stopped wondering and found my way back home, even if it is in dangerous territory." I stepped back to him, he seemed to barley be keeping his control as he leaned into me.
"Careful baby girl, as soon as I lose control I'm going to punish you for all the bullshit you've put me, you, and us together these past couple months and I promise you I'll need more than one night to make it really sink in. Your ass is going to be bruised, I can also promise you that." He said and I felt myself getting aroused at his words, I wanted all the pain and pleasure he had to offer me.
"I want you to lose control and it seems like we're never going to move on completely until you do thoroughly punish me and I can't wait for it." we were standing chest to chest now and he peered down at me and smirked before leaning his lips to my ear
"I'm going to fuck you so hard and tie you up and fuck your sexy little ass too and I spank it raw and I'll make sure you remember your manners." He yanked my hair back for me to look at him and my mouth went dry. "You'll know what to call me and I'm going to make you beg and plead for me. And careful because once I snap it won't end there." I moaned as he pulled harder
"What won't end there?" I asked breathlessly
"I'm going to fuck you in the office and you won't be able to get rid of the feeling of my cock inside of you, because once I really get to have you I'm not going to be able to stop." He said before he backed away and I stood in the kitchen panting to catch my breath.
His way of telling me what I was in for could be hot foreplay for me because I would be ready for him to rip these shorts off and plunge himself into me. I wanted him and his words were meant to be a warning to me but it just made me want him ten thousand times more than I did before.
when i went to post this i almost just ended off before he spoke again about everything he wanted to do to her but i ended up extending it, good decision or bad?
some sexy chapters are coming up and a few of them so hopefully you're ready for them ;)
So, i sent a message out to all followers in general but i wanted to say this.
thank you guys who where here for me last year, it's been a year since the death of my friend and i know some of you were so kind with your patience and messages.
all my readers mean so much to me but a special thanks to those of you who were there for me in particular.