Chase kept me from work for only a couple more days and it was great getting to spend that time with him even if he did want me to take it easy, but he did planning with me so we did get something accomplished.
I was glad to get back to work tomorrow and back to normal though the boys looked at me like I was going to drop any minute, it was sweet and touching that they cared but it was quickly getting on my nerves. I was eating and sleeping and drinking water so they could really calm down just a little bit.
Riley was worried that I was pregnant again and something was wrong and pestered me about it but I wasn't pregnant and it took him a couple days of my persistence and swearing to him I wasn't. Chase and I were still using the pill so that when we decided to start a family I could just stop taking the pill and we could without really having to wait.
Chase went out for a late night run and it really gave me time to think through some things. I know that he's been wanting to say something but hasn't yet, he's holding something back and I'm sure whatever it is isn't something I'm going to like.
I feel horrible about what I put him through and I know that if roles were reversed I would be angry with me too, we've been planning the wedding but we haven't really talked at all and maybe we should.
I was being childish about it before, I sat there blaming them for it, which granted it was their fault I was put in the position I was in but it was my fault for not taking care of myself.
I sighed as I lay down on the couch.
How can I expect to be a wife and someday mother if I can't even fucking take care of myself! He came in and glanced at me before going to the bedroom to probably take a shower so I went in there to talk to him.
When I got to the room I leaned in the door to watch him strip off his shirt and I am not a bit ashamed to admit that I was definitely staring, my fiancé was sexy as fuck. His abs made me want to run my tongue down them and oh damn those bulging arms. His sweats were hanging low on his hips and
"Are you checking me out?" he asked and I looked up to his face and he was smirking and crossing those oh so amazing arms across that amazing chest "Earth to Brylee." He said and I shook my head lightly
"Sorry, got distracted." I bit my bottom lip as I looked over his body again, if only he could press that against mine, in the bed, maybe with something like chocolate involved-
"I'm a human being, not food." He said amused and I shrugged as I looked up at him through my lashes
"But you look so yummy." I said and he groaned and believe me when I say I noticed change when I looked back to his sweats.
"You are such a perv." He shook his head with a small smile gracing his lips
"Only for my fiancé." I said and his eyes lightened and he looked at me adoringly, the same look he's always had but I never noticed
"Come shower with me?" he asked lightly and I nodded and he stopped me when I went to pull my shirt over my head and instead removed all my clothing himself slowly and near painfully because he made sure to run his fingers over every inch he could as he did so which left my body on fire.
"Shower." I said as if remembering what we were doing and he nodded his head distracted.
"Yeah, we need to make some dinner." He told me and I gripped his head in my hands and pulled him down to my level and roughly pressed my lips to his and he groaned in surprise before wrapping his arms around me.
I desperately pushed his sweats down as I took the lead this time and yanked him to the bedroom.
"Bry." He went to say but I pushed him down on the edge of the bed and I straddled him and pushed down on him and he pretty much didn't care what he was going to say next. He scooted back and let me ride him however I wanted.
His grunts of pleasure made me pin his writs by his head as I used that to brace myself to push harder and faster.
"Shit." He said and I moaned as the pleasure washed over me as he started coming too.
"Fuck." I said as I let myself fall forward onto him and pulled up so he slid out of me. His arms instantly wrapped around me and held me tight against him.
"Well that was a surprise." He kissed me head and I nodded, it was a surprise for me too but I wanted him and damn it I was going to have him before he decided that it wouldn't be a good idea because of what happened the other day.
I was better today and I was tired of keeping my hands off of him. For day's we had been home alone together and he hadn't touched me in any kid of sexual way and I get he was worried but I just wanted to move past it all.
"I'm sorry for everything, you were right. I'm being stupid and I don't need to do it all alone, I've been so overwhelmed lately and I'm sorry for blaming you." I couldn't look at him; I was terrible with these kinds of things.
"Do I make you feel like you can't come to me?" he asked and I shook my head
"No, I make it seem that way. I guess I'm just not used to this whole kind of thing. It's been a while since I dated seriously and I would say this is really serious." I smiled and he snorted in amusement
"I would say so soon to be wife." He said and I smiled and kissed his chest as I ran my nails lightly over his flesh.
"And as your soon so be wife I shouldn't be like this with you and I'm sorry, I was wrong." I admitted
"And as your soon to be husband I should be here for you always and I am." he said and the cheesy way of talking about this made it a little easier.
I know that it wasn't all forgotten but at least it was talked about a little and I'm really tired of sitting there waiting for us to go back to normal because we are but never will be. We were never normal we were just us and we always will be.
I was tired of sitting there missing him when he was right in front of me and we just weren't taking advantage of that. Instead of just lying in bed or silence at dinner we could talk or we could have sex or we could go on a date but we weren't.
This wasn't the way to start a happy marriage but we would get there.
"I love you. I don't feel like I sat it enough anymore but I do." I told him out of the blue and this was a moment I didn't mind a lot of silence. For ones it was nice and comfortable.
"I love you too baby, never question that." He added
"I never do, I know you love me." I never doubted that since we first got together and he finally forced me to look at him in the eyes which made me feel very shy for some reason
"Thank you for everything you do for me." I said sincerely.
"Always baby." He kissed me lightly "But please just stop shutting me out. I hate not knowing what's going on with you and I hate that you're making yourself sick. It's frustrating and annoying and frankly it pisses me off." and I groaned
"I know." I sighed and he looked away
"Don't look at me like that." He refused to meet my eye and my brows furrowed in confusion
"Why?" I asked
"Because it makes me have very dirty thoughts about you." he smirked and winked "But now we need a shower and to eat and no protesting. Up." He said and I groaned and removed myself from his very comfortable arms
"Jerk." I mumbled
"Hop to it." he smacked my ass playfully and I smacked his arm as he got in the shower too.
"There's my girl." He smiled and kissed me and I turned the cold way up and splashed him in the face successfully making him yelp and dodge the steam of water before I quickly turned it back to warm
"That was not nice." He sulked and I couldn't help but bubble over with laughter which made his face light up too.
"Now that right there, that's my girl." He said and I nodded feeling much more like myself. Sure things weren't perfect or anything but they were definitely getting better.